It’s that time of the year again. Valentine’s Day has reared it’s ugly head once again and, a year ago, I might have called it differently. As a single girl, I will say that days like this make me feel a bit miserable. Every where you look there are movies and ads focusing on relationships.
I will be the first to say that holidays like this make me bitter. I am not ashamed to admit it.
Why you ask?
To me, Valentine’s Day is just another holiday where society likes to emphasize the negativity of being single. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong about being in a relationship. I’m happy for you if you found the person you can be yourself with and create a future together. What I’m talking about is that society likes to only focus on the relationship with others when it should also focus on the individual.
There is just something about how February 14th plays out that makes me feel like a failure as a woman. I mean there must be something wrong with me if I’m still single, right?
While, I will admit that I do feel a bit lonely, feeling this way hasn’t persuaded me to lower my standards. I’ve gone through hell and back to prove that I’m not the same person. I am not going to let one desperate holiday like Valentine’s Day revert me to my old ways. Cheap compliments and flattery do nothing now for me. I can’t believe it ever did.
Succumbing to men who wanted nothing more than to use me was pretty pathetic on my part, especially when they left in the end to create a life with someone else. The temptation was strong and I made the mistake of ever falling for it. Because of it, I ruined a possible future with someone else who genuinely cared for me. I let my self-esteem and negative thoughts take over.
I struggle everyday to move forward towards the good-hearted person I want to be. If that means staying single until I’m mentally in a better place then so be it.
I am here to tell you, there is nothing wrong about being single. If I want to be 30 years old and still find myself then that’s my choice. I shouldn’t be made to feel inadequate or ashamed for doing so. Besides, there are some benefits in being single and I have a few ladies who agree with me:
“[I have] more time to practice self-care which helps me be more in touch with who I am and I need.” -Asia
“[To be honest], enjoying other people’s company whenever you want and not having to constantly “check in” on where you’re at is the best part for me.” -Sarah
“Being single allows you to move freely into realms of self discovery without fear of becoming someone that your significant other will no longer love. There’s peace in knowing that you can give yourslef full permission to grow and develop as you’re accountable for no one but you.” -Jocylyn
Being single shouldn’t be a bad thing; quite frankly, it should be celebrated. Yes, I know there is something magical about sharing a connection with someone on a deeper level. However, it shouldn’t be the only thing you should strive for. The first person you love should be yourself because if you don’t love and enjoy being with your own self then why should anyone want to spend the rest of your life with you?